At this point I feel it would be good to share some of my cast-iron rules of Men to Avoid.
If, dear reader, you reply "Yes, but ..." then I can only say that having printed the health warning I am not responsible for individual choices, just as people may choose to drive without seatbelts, drink more than the recommended units per week, or go poking around caves without those little helmets with lights on them.
Top 20 men to avoid:
1. BNP members or voters
2. Men who go the the gym more than twice a week (narcissists)
3. Men who wear friendship bracelets, a necklace or more than one earring. Note: it matters not if the necklace is a stone carving on a leather thong, in fact this can be the worst kind.
4. Men who call you "Babe", "Sweetie" or "Tiger" or call women "Ladies".
5. Men who say they "like a Classy Lady".
6. Men who try to make you read "The Denial of Death" - I think it is by Ernest Becker, but if you want to be sure, look it up on Amazon
7. Men who are more concerned about the Israeli-Palestinian situation than their own levels of personal debt
8. Men who, in internet dating ads, specify a clothes size they want the woman to be.
9. Men who are frightened of spiders.
10. Men who are finicky about what tea they will drink, e.g. they can only drink Twinings English Breakfast
11. Men who correct your grammar or pronunciation of words
12. Men who think it is common to eat chips in the street
13. Men who make their own wine from their allotment produce. (Wine is best made by French/Australian/Chilean people using grapes.)
14. Men who tell you their ex-wives have "taken them to the cleaners".
15. Men who use the expression "taken me to the cleaners" in any context.
16. Men who try to get you into an affair when they are attached/married; particularly, men who try to do this under the guise of getting you to help them with the Independent crossword 17. Any man who shaves his "parts" or has them waxed
18. Any man who uses Clinique skincare products or similar
19. Any man who criticises your childcare techniques, e.g. just say your 5 year old has climbed onto a a chair holding a pair of scissors, you say "give me the scissors", your 5 year old laughs merrily, gives you a challenging look and holds them aloft, you forcibly take the scissors from the 5 year old who then screams, the man says that what you have just done "goes against basic Piaget" - get rid.
20. Men who tell you to go on a diet/to the gym. Scales are for fish.
21. (added Nov 2009) Any man who tells you on the third date that he has a criminal record for domestic violence but it was self defence because his ex was always beating him up. (Then you meet his ex and she is about 4'11".)
22. Men who say LOL.
22. Men who say LOL.
23. Men whose spelling or grammar leaves anything to be desired, e.g. perhaps they do not understand the to/too/two rule, or the their/there rule. (Yes I know I am at an advantage as I have a dyslexia diploma but if anyone wants to spend two years writing essays about spelling rules feel free to join me.)
24. Men who do not recycle.
25. Men who do not help with the washing up.
24.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Feel free to add to it.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Feel free to add to it.
Men who assume that you are keenly interested in every minute detail of their fascinating life as a lawyer/accountant/asst. V.P. of marketing, and yet never, even ONCE ask you about YOUR life.
ReplyDeleteLoving your blog, by the way.
Men who Lie!
ReplyDeleteMen who take longer to get ready than you do!
ReplyDeleteMen who even though you have told them no then decide to camp on your doorstep with flowers (not even a decent bunch) and stay for hours, until you have to wait for them to nod off so you can open the door and then have to climb over them.
ReplyDeleteMen who drink rough cider and have value beaqns or teabags inb their cupboards.
ReplyDeleteMen who have recently seperated from their wives and claim to be completely over it until your second date when they mention her approximately every six minutes.
Men who say they'd like to go for a walk with you but that as you walk too slowly they are going on their own (so what shall I do on Sunday? Tapestry? Research family tree? Find different man?)
ReplyDeleteMen who boast interminably about how they have walked the Pennine Way 14 times/walked from John O'Groats to Lands End/Lands End to John O'Groats/rowed across the Atlantic/climbed all the Munros, giving you a total inferiority complex and hinting that you yourself have never done anything adventurous in your life.
A man who brags that he "can put up ANY tent in 20 minutes" is to be avoided.